Running Out...

My patience is running out. And I hate that I can't write about it, I can't tweet about it, I can't express it.

I can, but I am choosing not to elaborate.

My patience is running out. And I feel like running out of it -- I want to turn my back on the issue -- I want to escape.

But I won't.

My patience is running out. And I hope they realize that.

But they won't.

This is frustrating.

Minor Surgery

So I just had my first hospital experience, that is, I got admitted for the very first time. It was just a minor procedure. But I couldn't judge my level of pain tolerance so I was really, really scared. I don't want pain.


In the morning of August 2, there I was in the OR of Medical City, wide awake. I talked to my doctors and nurse while the procedure was ongoing. Asked stupid questions, complained even when there's nothing to complain about. I wanted to keep my mind off what was happening. It helped! I was expecting the pain to be worse than it was. But I got through without crying! :)


I'm home now. I still couldn't walk and sit properly. And I have to take pain relievers to lessen the pain.


My take away from this experience? Have it checked at once. Oh, and... a lot of sense of humor can get you through a painful procedure.

I Desire to Know YOU More

The happenings lately were getting close to depressing that when my bestfriend asked that we have midnight dinner, I obliged.

And it was worth it. Thanks Tine... for making me cry. :) Hehe.

Our conversations would usually start with comments on each other's weight. Buti na lang this time, ako yung pumayat. :p

And then, biglang serious yung topic. Tine went to worship last Sunday. She was touched by the pastor's sharing that she decided to share the preaching to me too.

The pastor shares...

He was driving one time when somebody knocked on his window. He pulled down his window enough that he would be able to give some change to the child.

When he reached his destination, he went on to park his car. While parking, somebody knocked on his window again. It was a friend who he hasn't seen for years. He gladly got out of his car and had a nice chat with that person.

Reflection...

When the child knocked on his window, he was asking for the man's blessing. The change was given to him, but he only saw the hand of the giver.

The man did not ask to see his friend, but it was indeed a blessing that he saw him that day.

When we pray, we ask for God's blessing. When our prayers our answered, sometimes, what we see is just His hand, or His blessing. We do not seek Him. We do not desire to know who our Giver was.

Ouch! Dun ako naiyak. Haha, actually sabay kami naiyak. And so, there we were in McDo El Pueblo, midnight, nag-iyakan. Konti lang naman.

Guilty! I have been accepting His blessings, but I have failed to know Him. I am a little too emotional lately maybe because I feel empty... maybe because I am missing Him.

Dear Lord, thank you for loving me though I know that my life is not as perfect as Your love for me. I seek for Your love and I desire to know YOU more.

Mai's VMS... and accepting my role

Background: VMS is THE project that brought out the best and the worst in me and my officemates. The project that made some of us cry... in anger, in frustration, sobrang pagod... During the final month, every week may overnight sa office. Actually, wala ngang uwian eh. I, for one, stayed in the office for 42 straight hours! I just went to the gym to use the bathroom! Hehe. If you think that's crazy, there are at least 2 more people who spent time in the office longer than I did!

Mai wasn't actually part of that project.

At the start of 2009, she was given one project which she needed to finish in 2 weeks... all by herself! Ayun, nag-ala VMS si Mai. This week, 3 straight days na nag-overnight sa office.

Ok...mejo confusing yung previous sentence. Unlike in VMS where we stayed in the office, Mai would stay up to very early in the morning then go back to the office by lunchtime. First time, 230am umuwi. 2nd day, 545am. Third day, 510am naman. I accompanied her on the 2nd and 3rd days. Sakit sa ulo! On the third day, I witnessed her rattle. Nung VMS days, if someone panics, nakikisabay ako.. hehe. This time, I stayed cool. I had to be the calming force. And that's when I finally made peace with my role.

With my first employer, my officemates were of my age. So pare-pareho kami ng trip. It was just a lot fun... parang college or highschool lang. In the office, we'd pass our deliverables at the end of the day... very structured kase yung process non. Outside the office, bonding time with officemates.

With my second employer, I was one of the younger ones. Mejo spoiled by my "ate's" and "kuya's"... I had my mentors teaching me about work and life. I actually enjoyed my stay here kase most of my life, I am the "ate". Oldest girl sa magkakapatid and magpipinsan. That's not going to change. The office environment was a welcome change kase feeling ko bunso ako. I enjoyed being taken care of.

With my current employer, iba na naman environment. I was hung-over the feeling of being "bunso", I wasn't ready yet to be the "senior" one. And so, nagpaka-immature ako, hehe. Was the vulnerable one sometimes. I had to be reminded once in a while what my role is... but those reminders fell into deaf ears. Sorry!

I'm called in 3 different ways sa office -- Ma'am Ghia, Ms. Ghia, Ate Ghia. (Actually, may tumatawag din sa kin ng Ghia lang or Geek, pero masisira ang point ko kung isasama ko mga yan, hehe.)

Ma'am Ghia -- as the leader of the team, I should be able to direct our team towards our goal. Professional ang dating.

Ms. Ghia -- During gradeschool and highschool, we'd call our teachers Miss. So this should be me, playing the role of a teacher. I should be able to teach what I know and share my experiences so that others may learn. Mentor role naman.

Ate Ghia -- I should be someone they could look up to. I should be someone they could share things and thoughts with. I should be the listener. Outside work, officemates are something to someone else -- daughter/son, bestfriend, boyfriend/girlfriend, sister/brother, etc... I should be able to acknowledge that.

I better live up to those names. I've had a good start though. My first overnight in the office this year was spent with listening to Andrew's anxieties. Hehe. Rose also has finally started sharing her concerns about work. I've also started opening up about non-work related matters to others as well.

I'm trying to be better... I hope I can learn fast for everyone's sake.

The Rat Race

A former boss shared this with me recently...

"The problem with joining a rat race is... even if you won, you're still a rat."

How true!

Super Paranoid

One time, before I took my afternoon break at the office, I changed my YM status message to "merienda time: tao lang, nagugutom din...". I got back to my station very satisfied. I scanned through the status messages of my contacts. I don't know how long it has been there, but the status of someone from the upper management said "My time is more important than yours. Now get back to work..."

Yikes!

Crash!

When I was in grade school, I would look up at the sky. Sometimes, I'd see airplanes flying over our roof. I'd think that some were too low and then I would conclude that they were going to crash. I'd wait the next day for news of a plane crash.

Wala naman.