See You Again

I've had 2 last days at work in my entire career. On both times, I wasn't able to say goodbye to the people that mattered.

On my first last day, my teammates were at a meeting. On my second last day, I was at a meeting that lasted longer than expected, and had my friends leaving before I was able to get out of it.

Oh well, I'm thinking if it makes me sad now. Yes, I'm a bit affected. But fortunately, I'm just around -- a get-together is not that hard to organize and to come to. So on both last days, goodbyes aren't actually necessary.

I'm always around anyway. So just -- "See you again!"

My Ironies

I want to be invisible
But I want to be missed

I want my own time
But I don't want to be alone

I want to rest
But I don't want to be idle

I want to keep things for myself
But I want to be able to give and share

I want to rebel
But I want to keep things in order

I want my space
But I want important people close by

I don't want to speak up
But I want to be heard

I want to get and be lost
But I want to find my way back home

I am sad. I have feelings; I get hurt too.

Ano? Saan? Bakit? Thank you.

On some days, I'm doing nothing.
On some days, I'm doing everything.
So what kind of day is today? What do you think?
Di pa ba obvious? =)

Iba na mood ko, no?
Let's just say that God has been so good to me.
Di nya ko pinabayaan.
Sana lang pwede ko na mashare sa lahat.

More than a month na since I left.
I would just like to thank you who...
...listened,
...understood,
...stayed with me,
...prayed for me,
...cried with me,
...encouraged me,
...helped me,
...talked to me,
...comforted me.
Basta, thank you.

For those who did the opposite,
it was painful then.
But I'm teaching myself not to be bitter.
I'm glad to be where I am right now.
Thanks for letting me go; you pushed me here.
Thank you.

...

I'm happy now; happier than I was 5 years ago
and happier than I was 5 months ago.
Would I want it any other way?

I don't like it when some people think they know
what's right for me;
as if that would make me happy
and as if that would make everything right again.

Do not tell me what to do directly,
not even indirectly.
But if you insist on doing the same,
bear this in mind:
I am not encouraged.
Instead,I am reminded of how sad I felt then,
how hurt and offended I was then,
how betrayed I felt then,
how stupid I felt then.
I could have been healed by now, you know.

But it's not all bad.
I could thank you for a lot of things.
And when I'm grateful,
I let you know about it.
I make sure you know you're appreciated.

Maybe this has a purpose...
Maybe it's just me trying to find my niche,
if I may call it that.
Maybe it was not meant to be.
It could be a lot of other realizations,
I don't know.

What I do know now is that I'm surrounded by people
who listen and understand,p
eople who believe in me
and people who value my presence and existence.
And I have a bestfriend who's worth
a hundred friends more.
Need I ask for more?
Do I seek for what's already lost?

Why I Cry

I cry...

-- when I watch a sad movie
-- when someone dear to me says goodbye
-- when I am mad
-- when there's something really funny
-- when I feel that someone's mad at me
-- when I'm reprimanded for no reason or for reasons I don't understand
-- when someone does me an unexpected favor
-- when I remember the past
-- when I reminisce and then imagine what could have been
-- when I'm really happy
-- when betrayed
-- when I miss someone
-- when I'm lonely
-- when I feel God's overwhelming love for me

You see, crying is how I express myself. I don't laugh when I'm sad. But I cry when I'm happy. Don't take my tears away from me. Don't ask me not to cry. For when I don't cry anymore, I have nothing more to express. It means I've become insensitive, indifferent. It means that I don't care.

Light.Ashes.Darkness

We've been through a lot together...
surpassed some...
failed some...
learned some...
forgot some...

But the flame from the torch seems dimmer.
I'm scared.
Afraid that the wind might just blow the small flame
...'til what's left are the ashes
...and darkness.