Believe It Or Not

Look at what’s happened to me,
I can’t believe it myself.
Suddenly I’m up on top of the world,
It should’ve been somebody else.

Believe it or not, I’m walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it’s just me.

-- "Believe It Or Not" - Mike Post & Stephen Geyer

Heard from the movie "4o Year Old Virgin"

Good News

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose.
(Rom. 8:28)

...

I'm happy now; happier than I was 5 years ago
and happier than I was 5 months ago.
Would I want it any other way?

I don't like it when some people think they know
what's right for me;
as if that would make me happy
and as if that would make everything right again.

Do not tell me what to do directly,
not even indirectly.
But if you insist on doing the same,
bear this in mind:
I am not encouraged.
Instead,I am reminded of how sad I felt then,
how hurt and offended I was then,
how betrayed I felt then,
how stupid I felt then.
I could have been healed by now, you know.

But it's not all bad.
I could thank you for a lot of things.
And when I'm grateful,
I let you know about it.
I make sure you know you're appreciated.

Maybe this has a purpose...
Maybe it's just me trying to find my niche,
if I may call it that.
Maybe it was not meant to be.
It could be a lot of other realizations,
I don't know.

What I do know now is that I'm surrounded by people
who listen and understand,p
eople who believe in me
and people who value my presence and existence.
And I have a bestfriend who's worth
a hundred friends more.
Need I ask for more?
Do I seek for what's already lost?

eMoTioNaL mE...

DISAPPOINTED
Believe it or not, I am still trying to get my confidence back after years of its non-existence. You knew about this. When I shared some parts of my life with you, it was with trust that you won't put me down or even pull me down. I wanna go back to who I was before. I wanna be genuinely happy and not just be someone who shows a jolly face. I expected you to know these things, to understand. But was I wrong to assume such things? Is it wrong to trust this way?

FRUSTRATED
I'm slowly losing my passion for music. And that worries me. My days have become routinary. I wake up, go to the office, walk around the mall, go home, sleep. In the past, I am always able to find time to play with my guitar or listen to the radio. But I can't play with my guitar now. I gave it to my cousin (can't take it back!). Instead of turning my radio on, I turn on the television, which I am able to set the timer to sleep after 2 hours. I know I should do something about it. I don't want to lose that passion. It's probably the only one I've got. But I just can't stop myself from falling asleep... ZzZzz...

SAD
I'm no good with goodbyes. I have said a lot of goodbyes in the past, some even permanently. There's no getting used to it.

THANKFUL
Having done so many mistakes, I'm glad to have been given as many chances. So thankful to have made it through, thankful to still be here. Thankful for the overwhelming love that embrace me everyday.

HOPEFUL AND CONFIDENT
He has not made us for nought; He has brought us thus far, in order to bring us further, in order to bring us on to the end. He will never leave us nor forsake us; so that we may boldly say, "The Lord is my Helper; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me." We "may cast all our care upon Him who careth for us." What is it to us how our future path lies, if it be but His path? What is it to us whither it leads us, so that in the end it leads to Him? What is it to us what He puts upon us, so that He enables us to undergo it with a pure conscience, a true heart, not desiring anything of this world in comparison of Him? What is it to us what terror befalls us, if He be but a hand to protect and strengthen us? (--John Henry Newman)

With God as my guide, I know I'll never lose my way.

The past 2-3 weeks had been emotional for me. There were days I got confused as to how I should feel. I'm glad they're over. Every day is a day to look forward to.

Why I Cry

I cry...

-- when I watch a sad movie
-- when someone dear to me says goodbye
-- when I am mad
-- when there's something really funny
-- when I feel that someone's mad at me
-- when I'm reprimanded for no reason or for reasons I don't understand
-- when someone does me an unexpected favor
-- when I remember the past
-- when I reminisce and then imagine what could have been
-- when I'm really happy
-- when betrayed
-- when I miss someone
-- when I'm lonely
-- when I feel God's overwhelming love for me

You see, crying is how I express myself. I don't laugh when I'm sad. But I cry when I'm happy. Don't take my tears away from me. Don't ask me not to cry. For when I don't cry anymore, I have nothing more to express. It means I've become insensitive, indifferent. It means that I don't care.

I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Light.Ashes.Darkness

We've been through a lot together...
surpassed some...
failed some...
learned some...
forgot some...

But the flame from the torch seems dimmer.
I'm scared.
Afraid that the wind might just blow the small flame
...'til what's left are the ashes
...and darkness.