Believe It Or Not

Look at what’s happened to me,
I can’t believe it myself.
Suddenly I’m up on top of the world,
It should’ve been somebody else.

Believe it or not, I’m walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not it’s just me.

-- "Believe It Or Not" - Mike Post & Stephen Geyer

Heard from the movie "4o Year Old Virgin"

Good News

We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,
who have been called according to His purpose.
(Rom. 8:28)

...

I'm happy now; happier than I was 5 years ago
and happier than I was 5 months ago.
Would I want it any other way?

I don't like it when some people think they know
what's right for me;
as if that would make me happy
and as if that would make everything right again.

Do not tell me what to do directly,
not even indirectly.
But if you insist on doing the same,
bear this in mind:
I am not encouraged.
Instead,I am reminded of how sad I felt then,
how hurt and offended I was then,
how betrayed I felt then,
how stupid I felt then.
I could have been healed by now, you know.

But it's not all bad.
I could thank you for a lot of things.
And when I'm grateful,
I let you know about it.
I make sure you know you're appreciated.

Maybe this has a purpose...
Maybe it's just me trying to find my niche,
if I may call it that.
Maybe it was not meant to be.
It could be a lot of other realizations,
I don't know.

What I do know now is that I'm surrounded by people
who listen and understand,p
eople who believe in me
and people who value my presence and existence.
And I have a bestfriend who's worth
a hundred friends more.
Need I ask for more?
Do I seek for what's already lost?

eMoTioNaL mE...

DISAPPOINTED
Believe it or not, I am still trying to get my confidence back after years of its non-existence. You knew about this. When I shared some parts of my life with you, it was with trust that you won't put me down or even pull me down. I wanna go back to who I was before. I wanna be genuinely happy and not just be someone who shows a jolly face. I expected you to know these things, to understand. But was I wrong to assume such things? Is it wrong to trust this way?

FRUSTRATED
I'm slowly losing my passion for music. And that worries me. My days have become routinary. I wake up, go to the office, walk around the mall, go home, sleep. In the past, I am always able to find time to play with my guitar or listen to the radio. But I can't play with my guitar now. I gave it to my cousin (can't take it back!). Instead of turning my radio on, I turn on the television, which I am able to set the timer to sleep after 2 hours. I know I should do something about it. I don't want to lose that passion. It's probably the only one I've got. But I just can't stop myself from falling asleep... ZzZzz...

SAD
I'm no good with goodbyes. I have said a lot of goodbyes in the past, some even permanently. There's no getting used to it.

THANKFUL
Having done so many mistakes, I'm glad to have been given as many chances. So thankful to have made it through, thankful to still be here. Thankful for the overwhelming love that embrace me everyday.

HOPEFUL AND CONFIDENT
He has not made us for nought; He has brought us thus far, in order to bring us further, in order to bring us on to the end. He will never leave us nor forsake us; so that we may boldly say, "The Lord is my Helper; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me." We "may cast all our care upon Him who careth for us." What is it to us how our future path lies, if it be but His path? What is it to us whither it leads us, so that in the end it leads to Him? What is it to us what He puts upon us, so that He enables us to undergo it with a pure conscience, a true heart, not desiring anything of this world in comparison of Him? What is it to us what terror befalls us, if He be but a hand to protect and strengthen us? (--John Henry Newman)

With God as my guide, I know I'll never lose my way.

The past 2-3 weeks had been emotional for me. There were days I got confused as to how I should feel. I'm glad they're over. Every day is a day to look forward to.

Why I Cry

I cry...

-- when I watch a sad movie
-- when someone dear to me says goodbye
-- when I am mad
-- when there's something really funny
-- when I feel that someone's mad at me
-- when I'm reprimanded for no reason or for reasons I don't understand
-- when someone does me an unexpected favor
-- when I remember the past
-- when I reminisce and then imagine what could have been
-- when I'm really happy
-- when betrayed
-- when I miss someone
-- when I'm lonely
-- when I feel God's overwhelming love for me

You see, crying is how I express myself. I don't laugh when I'm sad. But I cry when I'm happy. Don't take my tears away from me. Don't ask me not to cry. For when I don't cry anymore, I have nothing more to express. It means I've become insensitive, indifferent. It means that I don't care.

I Hope You Dance

I hope you never lose your sense of wonder
You get your fill to eat
But always keep that hunger
May you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed
I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance

I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance
Living might mean taking chances
But they're worth taking
Lovin' might be a mistake
But it's worth making
Don't let some hell bent heart
Leave you bitter
When you come close to selling out
Reconsider
Give the heavens above
More than just a passing glance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

I hope you still feel small
When you stand by the ocean
Whenever one door closes, I hope one more opens
Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
Dance
I hope you dance
I hope you dance
(Time is a real and constant motion always)
I hope you dance
(Rolling us along)
I hope you dance
(Tell me who)
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
I hope you dance
(Where those years have gone)
(Tell me who)
I hope you dance
(Wants to look back on their youth and wonder)
(Where those years have gone)

Light.Ashes.Darkness

We've been through a lot together...
surpassed some...
failed some...
learned some...
forgot some...

But the flame from the torch seems dimmer.
I'm scared.
Afraid that the wind might just blow the small flame
...'til what's left are the ashes
...and darkness.

I Was A Witness

A friend's bag was stolen last June 23 while we were playing at Timezone in Megamall. I didn't see how it got lost 'coz I was concentrating on winning the third race. Indeed, I won. But a friend's loss was what would make this day unforgettable.

I didn't witness the crime. But what I witnessed was just as significant.

While we were in the process of identifying the suspect, I couldn't help but get mad. Just as I was beginning to trust people again, something like this would happen. As a nation, we are dealing with the same problem of trust. What is happening? How could people hurt each other just like that? I was starting to get disillusioned again, reminding myself to be cautious of the individuals I come in contact with everyday and not to trust easily even if they have the most angelic face.

But the two individuals I was with made me think otherwise. The world is full of pain and negative things. But there is just as much - or even more - goodness.

Having gone through a process like this twice before, Yellow 4 could have let go of the suspect and tell our friend to leave it the way it is. Nothing would be recovered. We'd all get our rest. Meanwhile, Pink 5 was on her way home. She went back when she found out what happend to our friend. She had no idea that this was gonna be a long night. They both stayed for our friend.

The greatest love is to lay down one's life for a friend.

They didn't actually give up their lives for our friend. But they sacrificed a lot. They gave up a night's comfort with all its routine.

I didn't witness the crime. But I witnessed a version of the greatest love.

To Yellow 4 and Pink 5 (if ever you get the chance to read this), it is such an honor and pleasure knowing you. I'm sure our friend feels so blessed to have you during that night. As for me, I'm thankful for the realization of God's goodness through you. I hope that more people will realize this too. You are a blessing.

Something finally went right...

It was in the year 2000 when my life took a sudden turn.

My life before then was ok. The problems I was faced with were not even considered problems by others. I was among the top students in school. I had a complete family. I had different groups of friends. Everything was provided for me.

Then the most unexpected happened. In a span of 4 years, I lost 3 family members and God knows what else went away with those losses. I could not concentrate on my studies. I lost touch with friends. I didn't know what's mine and what's not so I had to work for what I need and what I want. I started asking the question "God, why me?"

Then I lost hope. Everything I see is black. I couldn't see my purpose. I cried every single night. I learned to do things I vowed I'd never do. Loneliness became a lifestyle. And I didn't care. Nothing seems to be going right...

Then, just as unexpectedly, blessings started pouring in...

As C.S. Lewis said, "Pain is God's megaphone to a deaf world." I was practicing my religion, but I was lacking in faith. God was probably teaching me a lesson. A lesson He made sure I would not forget.

Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we respond to it.

God has set a race for each one of us. And each person runs and ends it differently. We are faced with a choice: to run God's race, or the rat race. We all do exactly what we decide to do; we are the sum of our decisions. We can choose our own way, but we cannot choose the consequences. What is important is that we run the race of God - not just for ourselves. Without God's wisdom, we can do nothing. Without Christ, we are nothing.

Today, 5 years later, I feel blessed more than ever. I am surrounded by people who never left me through my darkest moments and even though I was really hard on them. I am now able to recognize life's simple joys and enjoy them with new friends. And I now believe that every good thing in my life - my accomplishments, achievements - is the handiwork of Someone powerful and loving.

"Lord, I offer my life to you. Everything I've been through, use it for your Glory..."