See You Again

I've had 2 last days at work in my entire career. On both times, I wasn't able to say goodbye to the people that mattered.

On my first last day, my teammates were at a meeting. On my second last day, I was at a meeting that lasted longer than expected, and had my friends leaving before I was able to get out of it.

Oh well, I'm thinking if it makes me sad now. Yes, I'm a bit affected. But fortunately, I'm just around -- a get-together is not that hard to organize and to come to. So on both last days, goodbyes aren't actually necessary.

I'm always around anyway. So just -- "See you again!"

Guilty!

No, this isn't about Erap being judged guilty for plunder.

And no, I am not confessing about the Glorietta and Batasan incidents.

I'm guilty... I FEEL guilty that I haven't posted anything here (not that I have somewhere else to post to) for more than 2 months already.

Well actually, a lot has happened in those months - personally, professionally, and nationally (?). I did have some blog topics in mind too. But I'll save them for later entries. Besides, with another change coming up, I may be able to squeeze in some blogging time in my daily routine.

I'm supposed to wake up early tomorrow so I could go to the gym and be on time for my 10am meeting at Tower One. But, insomia hits when you least expect and want it to. So now there's no excuse for me not to have an entry for today (or tomorrow?).

I just want to put on record that I'm missing a lot - I'm missing some comforts that I used to have, missing some of my luxuries, missing some of the things that I used to do, and missing some people. I just hope this is temporary. I sure wish that I won't lose them eventually.

Lunchout - Finally!

I had lunch with former officemates last Wednesday. This had been planned a month ago and twice postponed because of the typhoons.

We had some really good laughs - as in tawang makulit dahil sa mababaw na dahilan. What can I say? I have to admit that I miss them so much.


Ian now wears glasses. And he wears his long-sleeves really neatly. But he still combs his patilya with his fingers. He skips while going down the stairs. So he is still the same guy I know - the very down-to-earth person with tolerable vanity. Haha!

Julie now wears a hair band - though I don't think it does a lot to her hair. Wehehe! And they've put up a business too which keeps her busy on weekends. But she still forgets some details of what we've talked about and laughs even without knowing why. So I know she's still the friend I know - the fun-loving person who knows when to get serious. Naks!

There's also Mike and Jason. Poor them, they'd have to ride along our sense of humor. But they did last! And they were just as good sources of stories to laugh about.

So that's the reason why I still arrange these lunchouts - even though sometimes it could get difficult to synch our schedules. The time spent with them is worth it.

Egay

This was taken from our office's window last Wednesday, August 15 during one of the quiet hours. Three minutes later, the rain fell hard again. It was Egay, only the 5th typhoon to hit the country this year.

Time Flies

Today's my 1st year anniversary in my present company... in Makati... Let me celebrate it by writing this entry within the first hour of office hours. Hehe.

Missing this Nook

It has been 2 months since my last post. Not that the past months had been uneventful... I just couldn't find the right time to post a new one. There had been many times when, either on my way to the office or back home, a blog topic comes to mind. It's just now that I've been compelled to write an entry... Heck! It's not even a worthy blog topic... Wala man lang thought!

But hey, this is just to say - I didn't leave.

Tragedy

After watching the first 3 episodes of Grey's Anatomy's first season, I had to ask myself this question.

What has my existence come into?

An officemate found a website that lists the number 1 songs of everyday. The number 1 hit song on my birthday was...

"Tragedy" by The Bee Gees.

I sure hope this is not the answer to my question.

My Ironies

I want to be invisible
But I want to be missed

I want my own time
But I don't want to be alone

I want to rest
But I don't want to be idle

I want to keep things for myself
But I want to be able to give and share

I want to rebel
But I want to keep things in order

I want my space
But I want important people close by

I don't want to speak up
But I want to be heard

I want to get and be lost
But I want to find my way back home

I am sad. I have feelings; I get hurt too.

Insomniac and Missing A Lot

Ever since I came back from my list trip (which I still have to blog about, by the way), I've had a hard time sleeping. And when I do get to sleep (at around 3 or 4am), I wake up at the slightest movement and sound around me.

As I can't get to sleep right away, my mind wanders... I've been missing a lot of things.

I miss:

• riding my bike; going back and forth along Escort St.
• Saturday dentist visits in Cubao, then going to 3M pizza and order their Combination Pizza
• the salad bar of Pizza Hut
• struggling on learning to play the guitar using a big one readily available at home
• waking up at 4am for school, and sleeping before 9pm at night
• volunteering on going first on speeches and oral tests
• playing jackstones during recess and lunch
• carrying chairs to the multi-purpose hall for singing practice
• the loooooonnnnnggggg recess after school mass

• asking permission to sleep over at a friend's house
• being invited to YFC and Christian summer camps (and never attending one)
• playing the organ / guitar / tambourine for the church choir
• learning to commute
• being exempted from taking quarterly exams
• studying with the barkada at the back of the library during 1-hour breaks on QT days
• Science investigatory projects, Geometry projects, class plays, Ecology week
• receiving letters from busmates who never spoke a word to me
• listing weird words with Chrissy
• hanging out along the highschool corridors
• having my turn at sharing my reflection on the Gospel during morning prayer
• having perfect attendance
• palanca letters on recollections and retreats
  
• COCs march practice after school, COC summer training
• visits to the Guidance Office to patch things up with friends
• lining up by heights, in equal distances from each other, before entering the classroom after recess and lunch

• hangouts at the lagoon, playing patintero with blockmates
• sem-ender and Christmas parties at Jen's
• block G-27's logbook
• watching the Lantern parade
• lining up outside classrooms as early as 5am during enrollment
• org activities almost every school weekend
• visits to orphanages, rehabs, daycares, etc.
• walking from UPS tambayan to the Katipunan terminal
• God-cell-a: my cell group at UP Student Catholic Action
• interviewing applicants of UPS
• playing billiards during breaks or after school
• sleepovers at Ailene's
• summer classes

• ordering siomai and iced tea at Hen Lin every other day
• tutoring 3 students every other day
• having lunch at GMA 7's cafeteria
• John Mayer's album being played by my boss the whole day, every day
• playing Higher or Lower at DOST-ASTI's library
• the tambayan at our Cainta house; falling asleep at the sofa bed
  

• 7am - 4pm work schedule
• Decadence, Bahay Kubo and Secret Spices
• 10am breaks
• sneaking to view non-work related sites during office hours
• composing email whenever a sosyalite is celebrating his/her birthday
• copying pictures from events
• overtimes that got me closer to friends
• playing my playlist enough for my teammates to hear
  
• Peak 2, Mt. Makiling which we never reached
• Christmas get-together at Tagaytay
• the nightly chat conferences with former officemates after I resigned
• coming up with code names and our own sosyal! names
• always sitting near Tesalette in the foodcourt of Megamall

• gradeschool bestfriends and the exchange of letters whenever we want to say something to each other
• highschool batchmates who stuck together; always stood up for what we believed in
• close friends who are not from my barkada; sharing stories over long talks on the phone
• OOC Wacked Homies and our barkada logbook; how we'd figure in almost all batch and school events; and just how we grew up together
• UP Sandigan Batch '98-B and how 21 of us made it all the way
• Friends Beyond Forever Club (FBFC); our get-togethers playing billiards, bowling, spending time at Ailene's
• Sosyal!ites - our picture-taking, mascots, color days, declarations, horoscope reading, word of the day, and how we developed friendship with trust in less than a year
  
• Triangle / Inseparables (we don't actually have a name), how we're seated together then separated by some forced sitting arrangement, how we'd sing in 3 voices, our cryptic conversations, our emails and netsends, and how we still make sure that we spend time together now that we're with different employers
• my Far-Away Best Friend (FBF), and our almost daily chats then, how we became FBFs, expressing ourselves through email, the promise of sharing more and the hope of spending more time together
• my Best Friend Beyond Forever (BF squared) even though we kinda bug each other everyday. I don't know what I'd do without her.

• Survivor, Ally McBeal, Friends series (need to find a new series to watch)
• reading the Book of Life (gave mine to a cousin; need to get a new one)
• playing the guitar (need to get a new one too)
• having passion for something (need to get a new one as well)

My Utmost For The Most High

It has been ten years since I and 97 others graduated from highschool. The batch's motto was "My Utmost For The Most High". This was actually derived from a daily devotional book with the title "My Utmost For His Highest". But the nuns at our school had grammatical issues with it, and so we changed it appropriately.

I was part of the committee incharge of creating the batch song. I don't actually remember if I did contribute at least a line or two and a few notes and chords. But full credit is given to Pia and Chinggay for the music and lyrics. I did play the guitar while the batch sang our song on graduation day, though.

Here's the song:

Lord, look upon me
Embrace me with Your love
Grant that people see
That You are in me, beside me

Lord, I am Your handmaid
Your words are in my heart
You have called me by my name
How can I turn away, turn away

Chorus:
So I offer You my life
All the treasured things my heart can hold
I hand to You
So guide me through Your way
Let me walk the path that leads to You
Leaving all behind
My gift to You will be the very best of me
My days will be a witness to Your love
My utmost for the Father who uplifts me
My everything I give for the Most High

Take my thanksgiving
For all that You have been
My strength, my light, my friend
From life's wounds, You've healed me

I fear not what will be
As I bid farewell to friends
As I travel my own road
Knowing I have You with me

I remember while I was playing the guitar, midway through the song, I was already crying. I can't seem to imagine that I'd be parting with people I spent 11 years with, with friends I practically grew up with.

As I look at my life now, I still would like to believe that I have been living my life the way I dreamt of living it, the way 98 of us sang it - that is, being a witness to God's love - though I know that my life is not as perfect as His love for me is.

For those who know me and what I went through, this was how I learned to live again. And this is what I live for now.

And while I'm on reminiscing still, here are some pictures from highschool.





Left to Right:
Picture 1 - First year, summer with Mia, Donna, and Chermaine (not in picture) at Aling Pining's in Sikatuna, Quezon City
Picture 2 - Third year, manning our booth with Katre, Mia, and Donna during our School Fair
Picture 3 - Third year, breaktime during our last Retreat in Antipolo
Picture 4 - Fourth year, highschool barkada after CAT

Birthday Blues

It's early in my birthday today, and already there's so much in my mind...

• It's my birthday. My time and place of convenience this time.



• You have to give a more acceptable reason.



• Do I have to attend the meeting?



• Bad resolution: I will miss some occassions this year... just to see how it feels.



• Traffic in Metro Manila is the worst kind (especially when you're seated beside someone who just doesn't stop complaining about it). Cool it, Miss! We're all stuck here.



• I'm 28.



• More power = greater responsibility. I'd say, more accountability as well. Reality bites!



• I need to relax... I need to pray, bring back the passion.

In Anticipation

There's a feeling of restlessness. I am hungry but can't eat well. Didn't get that much sleep last night.

I'm not sure whether this is caused by a project being finally launched on Sunday (which I won't be able to attend) or my trip to Singapore.

Either way, I like the feeling. At least, I am still capable of feeling this way... very much alive.

I Don't Like Today

I didn't know what to make of this day. It was one of those days that I wasn't doing much work but my mind is so active and my emotions so sensitive.

Just some of my thoughts and feelings today...

• My conversation with mama during breakfast brought me to this thought - If you accept that something not-so-good will happen, is that giving up?

• There's a possibility that my trip to Singapore will not push thru. Some friends tell me to go thru with it by myself. Do I do just that?

• I've become a stranger. Blame distance. But I'm not saying that I'm not starting to worry.

• While waiting for Tine and Toni at the Syke's pantry, 28th floor of RS, a group of guys went inside. One of them asked if I was watching the TV. I mistook this as 'Are you watching this channel?' When I said 'No', he turned the TV off. I ended up reading an English workbook and pretending not listening to their practice of 'Push' (which was a disaster, by the way).

• There are things that should be left unsaid. But there are also those that should be voiced, and should be listened to.

• Too much coffee intake today.

• A midnight stopover at Starbucks Julia Vargas made me witness a car accident. A car tried to make a 'drift'. Not having gone too far (not even 20 meters, i think), it slammed into the wall. The driver and the one in the passenger seat (the nephew of the city's councilor as he claims) are obviously drunk.
  

There. Just some.

Writings on the wall (and everywhere else...)

When I was still in UP, more than once had I found myself laughing or scratching my head whenever I see writings on wherever one can write on. I think I've even memorized some "conversations" so I can tell them to my UP and non-UP friends.

I got this from the email a few days ago. Made me wish I had written down some of those that I memorized and added them to this list.

Here goes... vandalism in UP.

AS Chair
"push button to eject seatmate"
"push button to eject urself"
"push button to kill teacher."
"push button to eject teacher"....
reply: "it's jammed! We're doomed!"

AS 1st floor CR
"if you forget the past, then you porget the purious.."

AS 1st floor CR ulit
"Im a simple gay "
tapos me sumagot "sira! Dapat 'Im simple and gay!' Taga peyups ka ba? duh!"
tapos me sumagot ulit (with matching arrow pa na nakaturo dun sa reply) "sira ka rin! yung simple is used as an adjective tapos yung gay is used asa noun. kaya ok lang yung simple gay nya!"

Bio Chair
"Push cadaver to haunt teacher."

FO Santos
"SA MGA NAGTATAPON NG BASURA DITO... bawal."

Eng'g
Sa Men's CR, facing the urinal:"Hawak ko saking mga kamay ang kinabukasan ng bayan!"
Reply: "the future you are holding is very small."

Math
sa cr sa may math building: "SUMAPI SA NPA!"
may sumagot: "PAANO? "
may sumagot pa: "MAGFILL UP NG COUPON AT IHULOG SA PINAKAMALAPIT NA DROP BOX SA SUKING TINDAHAN!"

sa likod ng isang "teacher's chair" sa 3rd floor:
"BABALA: asawa ni babalu"

3rd floor, sa isang upuan uli. "you'll NEVER find what you're looking for"
May nag-reply: "find x."

NIGS
sa isang upuan: "f*ck nigs!"
may nagreply: "who's nigs?"

Main Lib
Sa isang lamesa ng main lib, filipiniana section: "UP STUDENTS HAS BECOME PATETHIC"
tapos may sumagot..."mali pang grammar at spelling mo, halatang di ka taga UP"

New Site

I just finished copying my posts (not many, if I may say) from my other blog site to this one.

I'm back!

Wrong Car!

At around 8pm today, I got a text from Tine (my bestfriend). "Baba ka na.", it said.

That afternoon, we thought of having coffee before going home. We haven't actually decided where we're gonna have coffee.

Upon receiving her sms, I shut down my office PC, rode the elevator down to the building ground floor. As I was pushing the building exit door, a car was slowing down in front of the building. I was unsure if this was the car that I was supposed to ride in, so I slowed down too. But I heard Tine calling me and thought that her voice was coming from inside the car. So I hurried and opened the car's door. To my surprise (and embarrassment), the door was locked. Realizing that this was not the car, I slowly walked backwards, away from the car, praying that all those who were also waiting would not realize what just happened.

I looked across the street, to the parking lot. I saw Tine - in shock. I ran to her in embarrassment. Geez!